Home Invasion

18 Nov

What am I most afraid of?  What sends me into a fit of hysteria at the sight of it?  Go on, take a guess.

Just searching Google images for a picture of one made my stomach turn and almost brought me to tears.

If you said a lizard and/or gecko, you would be correct and know me very well!  So, let me tell you a little story about a now-dead lizard (or gecko, I don’t know.  I didn’t look that closely).

A couple of nights ago, I came home from a weekend at a friend’s place.  I opened the door to my flat, and the light from the entryway spilled into the doorway.  That’s when I saw something scurry across the floor.  I opened the door wider, recognized what it was immediately, saw it run behind the door to my shower, and then I screamed, “Ahhhhhh, shit!”  Then, whispering to myself, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, what do I do? What do I do?  I stood in the doorway of my apartment, frozen in fear.

“Stephanie?  What happened?” I heard Suhas calling from downstairs.  “There’s a lizard in my apartment and I”m totally freaked out and I don’t know what to do how do you get them out of here?”  Phew.  I took a breath.  Silence.  I figured Suhas had ignored me–I mean, really, who is scared of lizards?–and was leaving me to deal with this on my own.  I had to psyche myself up to deal with the problem at hand, especially since the intruder was in the exact location I needed to be–the shower.

I stepped into the apartment and turned on every light.  Then I just stood there.  Psyching myself up was not going well.  I heard Suhas coming upstairs.  Thank God. He carried a can of bug spray and a broom.  “Where is it?” he asked.  “Behind the door to the bathroom…I mean, the shower,” I said, pointing.  He calmly walked in, looked behind the door, and a series of spraying and pounding with the broom ensued.  I was nauseous.  “Did you kill it?  Is it dead?” I asked when the spraying and pounding ceased.  “Yes, yes,” he said, as he disposed of the dead lizard.

“Do you get these in your house downstairs,” I asked.  “Oh, yes,” he said.  “They live here too.”  I laughed nervously.

“Any more intruders?” Suhas asked the next morning as I left the house.  “No, no more.  And, thank you for getting rid of that one last night,” I said.  “I will definitely be getting some bug spray on my way home today.”

“You should let them live,” Suhas said, “They just crawl around.  They’re harmless.”

Harmless.  Arachnophobes, are spiders harmless?  Hemophobes, is a paper cut harmless?  Some of you may say so, but when it comes to lizards, no one is going to convince me they’re harmless.

I am now armed with a 22-oz. can of bug spray but still not the courage to get close enough to one to actually kill it.


6 Responses to “Home Invasion”

  1. Lindsay November 18, 2010 at 12:44 am #

    I remember that fear when I came down to bayou land! While I was trying to catch them you were terrified!!!!!!!! Such a great friend : ) I miss you!

  2. Jess November 18, 2010 at 3:17 am #

    I love you… lol

  3. Mom November 19, 2010 at 12:18 am #

    Sweetie, after all these years of seeing dozens of lizards at home under the carport every night, it’s amazing that you haven’t overcome this fear….Try to imagine each one as the Geico gecko with an Australian accent. That might help. 🙂

    • Steph November 19, 2010 at 2:54 am #

      It doesn’t help. But when one of them actually does start talking to me in a cute little accent then maybe we can become friends.

      • Mom November 19, 2010 at 9:57 am #

        Hon, if one of them ever actually $tart$ talking then you need to call me a$ap! I will be on the next flight to India…..

      • Alberto November 20, 2010 at 4:48 pm #

        I can make Gecko’s talk…by the way how are you? You’re never on skype like I thought you would 😦

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